Friday, April 2, 2010

Professional models V wannabe models...

Go to any photographic networking site, based in any country in the world, and you'll discover some quite remarkable similiarities. They are all inhabited by polar opposites, models trying for paid work or photographers attempting to persuade models to work for free. Its really quite simple after a while.

For today's lecture we will concentrate on a hybrid breed of female called "Models".

I have discovered that many of them have seven grannies, are adept at having their mobile phones stolen, or are tragically unlucky in a Darwinian sense. These are known as "wannabe" models. They WANT to be models but don't realise that modelling, done PROPERLY, is actually hard work.

Now don't get me wrong. There are professional models who actually work hard to justify their title, but they are sadly few and far between. I have taken to hiring these professional models at usually very fair rates of pay rather than risking premature dementia attempting to work with the "wannabe" type models.

There are certain factors that can, to the trained eye, indicate whether a model is a professional or a wannabe. Chief amongst these indicators is the number of references that a model can produce. Careful checking of these references can reveal that a model may have more than two grannies. I personally have been in contact with a girl whose claim to fame is that she had SEVEN grannies. And they all died. On the morning of a planned shoot with various photographers. Three of them died on mornings that I had organised shoots with this girl. But that was years ago, before I got sense and decided that the first no show would be the last no show.

I have had to develop a heart of stone since I took up photography.

Another good indicator of a models status as a professional or a wannabe is how often her mobile phone gets stolen. Professional models seem capable of hanging on to their cell phones - even in bars! Wannabe models are, unfortunately repeat victims of callous thugs with a public cell phone fetish. Strange that they can't hold onto their phones. Wannabe's are ALL capable of fluent text speak ("hi hun wer wil u be n how much wil u be payin me to get baps owt? i get 10,000 kwid per ower fer topliss"). How can they manage to learn this very strange language when they're constant victims of callous cell phone thieves?

Professional models tend to communicate with a photographer in English. Generally the Queen's English. Usually by email at first, and then by phone on the eve of the shoot and on the morning of the shoot.

So these days I prefer to deal with models who have a proven track record of actually managing to get in front of the lens, as there is a very high probability of them turning up!

There are a zillion and four wannabe's who look stunning, and I'm sure that Charlie, my camera, would love to take their photos. But unfortunately for Charlie, I'm his operator. Therefore I choose the model. And I really don't give a flying fuck how big the wannabe's "baps" are.

I have a strange preference for booking the professional with the smaller "rack", as a model friend of mine refers to that portion of the female anatomy. At least that way I actually manage to take some photographs!

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